This afternoon, JFCJames made a devastating confession to me:
He has never won a Camp NaNoWriMo.
I didn’t know how I should feel about this. Betrayed? Bewildered? Offended at an emotional level the depths of which could only be reached by entire buckets of chocolate? I mean, I thought I knew this guy, you know? I thought we were friends. We plotted together, we planned, we even wrote stuff together. I made him a lasagna. He bought me throwing knives. And come to find out, he’s never even won a Camp NaNo. It was all a lie.
I’ll be straight up here, there was a minute there where I was like SHUN HIM SHUN HIM AND HIS STUPID FAILURE. And then I remembered, dude, I’m lapixystix. I’m amazing. I’m not a shunner, I’m a motivator. And so humble, too.
So I plotted, planned, ate some fajitas, painted a chalkboard wall, and realized that I had to force James to win Camp this year by threatening to stab him with the throwing knives he bought me.
Just kidding. Please, no one stab James with rainbow titanium throwing knives. I don’t want to go to jail because he has issues hitting goals.
No, really, what I DID decide to do is barrage James with a month of motivation, and I need everyone’s help. James has seen me at both my most exquisitely motivational (and so humble) and at my most #ihavejustwrittenthestupidestpileofturd-tional, so I don’t know how far pep-talks from me will actually go. But if you, every single one of you, sends him a reminder that he needs to write and not watch that–OH DEAR GOD STOP WATCHING THAT JAMES–then maybe, just maybe, James will actually win a Camp.
You can send him a pep talk at the nanolanta web site. Make a post dedicated to him on the NaNoWriMo forums, send him private messages filled with promises of rewards you totally don’t have to follow through with in NaNo mail. Pester him on the chat room if he’s around. Post a motivational meme on our facebook. Make a comically long speech via tweets @nanolanta.
If you know James personally, blow up his phone, metaphorically or literally. Nothing gets the point across quite like shards of electronics. Meet up with him for lunch and then withhold food until he writes a thousand words. Bribe him with fancy pencils and questionable anime.
Come to a Write In. We’re hosting a couple of them, starting on April first.
Oh, and since I’m launching a sort-of movement here, I felt like a name and banner were necessary. Something with a bit of zing, a bit of a hook, ad a lot of motivation. I think I got it with this one:
No, seriously. Because this will only be posted until James wins Camp, and this is an abomination.